


first snow

by oceandawn



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ballum Advent Calendar 2020 (EastEnders), Christmas Fluff, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28111575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceandawn/pseuds/oceandawn
Summary: ben regrets not having last christmas with callum, but he's making damn sure he spends every second of it this yearday 16 of the ballum advent calendar
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 9
Kudos: 85





	first snow

It's cold.  _ So cold. _

Ben doesn't want to leave the bed, doesn't want to leave Callum's arms because they're snuggled up so warm. There's not a whisper between them, Callum's forehead resting against the back of Ben's whistling in his sleep. His hand moves every so often, only to come back and hold Ben's stomach or his chest.

It always sends him back to sleep, how Callum's comfort is now Ben's own. Their little signals and words without actual words that make Ben feel fleeting.

Ben can't shake the nerves, jolting every time he wakes up and thinking Callum won't be there. This is their first Christmas. The last one wasn't exactly their first, since they spent it apart, broken in more ways than one.

Ben has thankfully avoided any family drama this festive season despite the usual schedule for something to go wrong when Santa's on the way. He breathes deep with the relief of knowing he'll have a high probability of waking up in Callum's arms on Christmas day.

He can see it now, how Callum will be all smiles and dimples, mumbling a  _ merry christmas  _ with sleep slurring his words.

Ben's excited for the day, and not forgetting the countdown for it, either.

Callum softly stirs, in a state of blurry consciousness where he knows where he is, and the other half being the wish to stay that way. He mumbles something Ben doesn't hear, but the vibrations Ben feels are enough to make him smile anyway.

"Mornin'" Ben replies, having guessed. He must be right, since Callum moves, sinking his head into the space between Ben's neck and shoulder, squeezing Ben in his hold, wrapping his arms warm and sweet until he settles again.

"Mmm," Callum starts, blinking his eyes open to watch as Ben reaches for the pillow, pulling it closer with a smile on his face. "My feet hurt."

That, Ben hears.

"You're the one that wanted to go shopping round that market, babe," Ben shifts so he's partially twisted, his torso facing Callum and his legs still as they were to the side. "It takes an hour from the start to the end."

Callum groans, but his lips find Ben's shoulder when Ben turns, sighing when he allows his head to rest there, still raised on his elbows.

"Got to hold your hand all the way, though," smiles Callum, and Ben can feel it against his skin. "Was nice. We should do it again next year."

Ben swallows. God.  _ Next year.  _

His heart pushes against his ribs as if to say  _ yeah, tell him yeah  _ because Ben wants that. Not just another Christmas but a whole year, a whole new year of memories and joy and  _ them. _

"Yeah," Ben's thankful his voice is still in one piece after that. "It's a pretty market. Good food. Think the company is much better though."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Ben mirrors, "Did you see the guy at that pretzel stand? Fit as anything."

Callum swats his side, and Ben laughs, quickly placing his hands on the back of Callum's neck, moving them down to his jaw where he can feel the stubble there. He's been letting it grow thanks to Ben's quick fumbles to the bathroom as he reminds him;  _ don't you dare shave! _

"Go with him next year," Callum grumbles, but he's laughing. He did notice Callum looking twice. "After all the times I hugged you yesterday…"

Ben hums, "Human radiator, you are."

"You should get a thicker coat," says Callum, lifting himself up to look at Ben. His fringe falls softly to the side.

"My current coats are fine, thank you," Ben winks, knowing which of them Callum prefers. "Besides, hugging you as the snow falls, Christmas lights above us? Could've fallen asleep right there."

"Yeah, it's nice," Callum smiles, the smile that dimples one cheek, eyes soft with something like love as Ben reaches up to brush a hand over one of his shoulders. "I never got to do stuff like this before. Like — holding hands and stuff. Going with someone I'm with at this time of year."

Ben shrugs, "Well, we can do it as many times as you want, that holding hands malarky. Especially in this bloody weather."

Callum moves his fingertips across the sheets, leaning his head on one that's propped up. He's glad that he's here and not at some hotel in London trying not to think about how much he misses Ben.

"Do you think about last year?" His eyes flicker to Ben for mere seconds before falling back to the sheets.

"Honestly? Yeah. I think about how bad I messed up, how much I did that I look back on now and think  _ what the hell was I doing,"  _ Ben is thankful that Callum nods, a small sign that he too, thinks the same.

"Well, I'm happy we have this now, our first Christmas," just those words bring out a smile on Ben's face. It never fails to warm Callum's hands as they move back to him.

"Mmm," Ben shuffles so he's sitting on his elbows now, Callum kissing him as Ben tilts his head to meet him. "Still gotta' decide what to get you."

Callum blinks, "What?"

"Your Christmas present. I didn't give you anything last year," Ben misses out  _ except a broken heart  _ because it feels as if his own breaks with the thought of that. "Plus, if we're doing it all proper, I gotta' get you something."

Callum laughs, and then when Ben's face doesn't change, he starts to look away, smiling shy and letting his head fall back to his chest.

Ben grins, laughing because  _ god Callum is shy about Ben giving him a gift. _

"Hey, you can't get shy about that! You bought me something last year and I still use it."

"I know! But — I don't — it just feels nice, okay? You buying a gift for me, me buying a gift for you, spending the big day together opening them in front of family and friends. It feels nice, really nice, like  _ god  _ Ben, I've always wanted something like this," Callum allows his forehead to rest against Ben's. "Now that I can have that, it's like it's not real, but it is."

Ben breathes in as he places his hand against Callum's cheek again, "I think you out of anyone I know deserves this, Callum. We've both been through that turmoil, and I'm the luckiest bloke alive that I'm the one that gets to spend that time with you now."

He misses out  _ the lad that gets to love you  _ because his heart already feels mushy, and Callum's kissing his cheek softly before he can say otherwise.

"I love you, Ben," Callum says against his skin, and it's like clockwork, gears in Ben's chest moving on their own as he curls his arms around Callum, keeping upright through his core.

"Mm, I know you do," teases Ben, brushing noses as Callum laughs, the laugh that shakes his shoulders and makes his eyes shine. "I love you too."

Callum pushes his full weight against Ben, making them both fall back to the bed in a warm embrace, smiles and gentle kisses as the first sprinkle of snow starts to fall against the window beside them.

When they eventually leave the bed, Callum sits beside Ben at the kitchen table, hand soothing against his back as Ben eats his toast. He crunches away as Callum sips his hot chocolate, smiling over the lip when Ben looks his way.

They're in soft shirts and soft jogging bottoms. It's an easy day, any normal day but it's brittle and cold. It doesn't feel that way when Callum's fingers move through his hair, talking low enough where the kitchen is filled with the gentle mumble of their conversation. 

Callum helps put up some lights afterwards, knocking elbows as they place them across the fireplace, smiling whenever they meet eyes again.

Ben doesn't think he'll ever grow old of this, the way they say so much without saying it, the way Callum looks at him when he gives the thumbs up because Ben promised he'd cook today and  _ thank god it's edible. _

The whole gift exchange becomes cat and mouse. Callum teases, then Ben, and then it's just casual jokes and hints but neither of them can work it out.

Besides that, the days fall in this warm, domestic atmosphere where Ben feels like staying in this era of time for many years to come. 

There's just something about laying his head against Callum's shoulder, blanket up to their chests as Callum brushes one hand through the back of his hair, that hand warm from the hot chocolate he was just holding.

And then the moments during those family movie evenings with the fireplace burning when he laughs, Ben feeling it against his own skin and his chest flutters with something sweet. It's being surrounded by those close at such a warm time of year against the brittle cold that makes Ben smile.

It'll be good this year, and the next. However many more they have after that, too.


End file.
